A mathematician, an accountant and an economist apply for the same job.
The interviewer calls in the economist and asks "What does two plus two
equal?" The economist replies "Four." The interviewer asks "Four,
exactly?" The economist looks at the interviewer incredulously and says
"Yes, four, exactly."
Then the interviewer calls in the mathematician and asks the same question
"What does two plus two equal?" The mathematician says "On average, four -
give or take ten percent, but on average, four."
Then the interviewer calls in the accountant and poses the same question
"What does two plus two equal?" The accountant gets up, locks the door,
closes the shade, sits down next to the interviewer and says "What do you
want it to equal?"
An Engineer and an Accountant are sitting next to each other on a long
flight from LA to NY. The Engineer leans over to the Accountant and asks
if he would like to play a fun game. The Accountant just wants to take a
nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few
winks. The Engineer persists and explains that the game is real easy and
a lotta fun. He explains "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the
answer, you pay me $5. Then you ask me a question, and if I don't know
the answer, I'll pay you $5." Again, the Accountant politely declines
and tries to get to sleep. The Engineer, now somewhat agitated, says, "OK,
if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the
answer, I'll pay you $50!" This catches the Accountant's attention, and
he sees no end to this torment unless he plays, so he agrees to the game.
The Engineer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth
to the moon?" The Accountant doesn't say a word, but reaches into his
wallet, pulls out a five dollar bill and hands it to the Engineer. Now,
it's the Accountant's turn. He asks the Engineer "What goes up a hill
with three legs, and comes down on four?" The Engineer looks up at him
with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all of
his references. He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the
net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends e-mail to his
co-workers -- all to no avail.
After about an hour, he wakes the Accountant and hands him $50. The Accountant politely takes the $50 and turns away to try to get back to sleep. The Engineer, more than a little miffed, shakes the Accountant and asks "Well, so what's the answer?" With out a word, the Accountant reaches into his wallet, hands the Engineer $5, and turns away to get back to sleep.
The Atheist
An atheist was walking through the woods one day in Alaska, admiring all that
evolution had created. "What majestic trees! What a powerful river! What
beautiful animals!" he said to himself.
As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind
him. Turning to look, he saw a 13-foot Kodiak brown bear beginning to charge
towards him. He ran as fast as he could down the path.
He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was rapidly closing on him.
Somehow, he ran even faster, so scared that tears came to his eyes.
He looked again and the bear was even closer. His heart pounding in his chest,
he tried to run faster yet. But alas, he tripped and fell to the ground.
As he rolled over to pick himself up, the bear was right over him, reaching for
him with its left paw and raising its right paw to strike him.
"OH MY GOD!"
Time stopped.
The bear froze.
The forest was silent.
Even the river stopped moving...
As a brilliant light shone upon the man, a thunderous voice came from all
around...
"YOU DENY MY EXISTENCE FOR ALL THESE YEARS, TEACH OTHERS THAT I DON'T EXIST AND
EVEN CREDIT CREATION
TO SOME COSMIC ACCIDENT. DO YOU EXPECT ME TO HELP YOU OUT OF THIS PREDICAMENT?
AM I TO COUNT YOU AS A
BELIEVER?"
Difficult as it was, the atheist looked directly into the light and said, "It
would be hypocritical to ask to be a Christian after all these years, but
perhaps you could make the bear a Christian?"
"VERY WELL." Said God.
The light went out.
The river ran.
The sounds of the forest resumed.
.....and the bear dropped down on his knees, brought both paws together, bowed
his head, and spoke: "Lord, thank you for this food which I am about to
receive."