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Lorena Bobbit Virus: | Turns your hard disk into a 3.5 floppy
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Woody Allen Virus: | By-passes the motherboard and turns on daughter card
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Paul Revere Virus: | Warns of an impending virus infection:
1 if by LAN, 20 if by C:\
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Hilary Rodham Clinton Virus: | Instantly turns 1K of disk space into 1
Meg.
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Ollie North Virus: | Plays a patriotic .WAV while it shreds your files
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Joey Buttafuaco Virus: | Only attacks minor files
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Ronald Reagan Virus: | Saves your data, but forgets where it's stored
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Jane Fonda: | Attacks your hard drive's FAT
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Oprah Winfrey: | Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and
then slowly expands to 300MB
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AT&T: | Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are
getting.
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MCI: | Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much
for the AT&T virus.
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Politically Correct: | Never calls itself a "virus," but instead refers
to itself as an "electronic microorganism."
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Ross Perot: | Activates every component in your system, just before the
whole darn thing quits
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Arnold Schwarzenegger: | Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back
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Government Economist: | Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software
say everything is fine.
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Federal Bureaucrat: | Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little
units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be
the most important part of your computer
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Congressional #1: | The computer locks up, screen splits erratically
with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem
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Congressional #2: | Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously
but doesn't allow the user to accomplish anything
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Airline: | You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore
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Freudian: | Your computer becomes obsessed with its own motherboard.
Or becomes very jealous of the size of your friend's hard drive
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PBS: | Your computer stops every few minutes to ask for money
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Jimmy Hoffa: | Your programs can never be found again
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LAPD: | It claims it feels threatened by the other files on your PC and
erases them in "self-defense"
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O.J.: | It claims that it did not, could not and would not delete two of
your files and vows to find the virus that did it.
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