The portion of the Law that we read today comes right at the center of the Torah. It stands in the middle of the book of Leviticus, which itself is the middle of the five books of Moses. It stands at the center of the Torah, not only in place, but in spirit, for it is full of laws governing every aspect of our lives.
I want to refer to one in particular this morning, and I do so, because it has importance for us all, and there is in your case no danger that I may be thought to be referring to you alone.
A man shall respect his mother and his father; and you shall observe my sabbaths. I am the Lord your God. Leviticus 19.3
The commandment to respect one's parents immediately reminds us of a similar law in the ten commandments. "Honor thy father and thy mother." Now for the Rabbis, and indeed for all who believe in the sacredness of scripture, there is nothing superfluous in the Torah. Hence in explanation of these two similar laws, they point out two significant differences. First, there is a difference in the word used. One speaks of honoring, one of respecting. Second, in one the mother is mentioned first, and in the other the father is mentioned first.
The Rabbis go on to define the terms honor and respect, and describe the difference between them. Respect, they say, means not sitting in the place where they are accustomed to sit, or speaking in a place where they are accustomed to speak; it means not contradicting them, or if we have to correct them on a point of fact -- for parents can make errors too of course -- we should do so in a fitting and respectful manner. Respect, therefore, is a rather negative quality; it means not doing certain things that would show a careless and indifferent attitude to those to whom we owe our existence. Honoring our parents, on the other hand, is a positive quality. The Rabbis define it as providing them with food and drink; giving them clothing and shoes; and providing them with transportation. This means two things. First, the child, when he becomes able, has a responsibility for the well-being of his parents, for making sure that they have the prime human needs of food, clothing and transportation. Second, he has the responsibility to attend personally to these things. Fortunately these days, few in this country are truly in deed of food and clothing, but the last item, and the personal attention it involves are lacked by many parents. I hope that when in the future you drive your 1981 convertible helicopter, there will always be room for your parents in the back.
Now the other matter. Why is the father mentioned first in one place, and the mother first in the other place? In answering this, the Rabbis showed great insight. The child is more prone to honor his mother than his father, for it is she who feeds and cares for him in his early days. Therefore, in speaking of honor, the father is mentioned first, because the mother might well be honored anyway. With respect, it is different. The child is more prone to respect his fater, who represents discipline, therefore, in speaking of respect, the mother is mentioned first, because the commandment is needed more in regard to him. The upshot of this is that one's father and mother must be honored and respected equally.
One further point. The Rabbis ask why in the same verse, mention is made of observing the Sabbath. They explain that this is to tell us that in spite of the law to respect one's parents, it they wish us to do something which is against religious requirements, such as breaking the sabbath, we are not to obey them. While this may seem to limit the respect of one's parents, it has an important implication. It means that one should conflict with parents only when one feels that their opinion is different from what is right, and not just when it is different from what we happen to prefer. It is a fairly safe bet that parents make their decisions in the child's interest, and he ignores them in most cases at considerable risk.
I am sure that these matters will never present a problem to you, for you are blessed with a family that makes respect and honor a joy rather than a burden. It is sad that your maternal grandfather (Dr. Myer Solis-Cohen) did not live to see this day, for it would have been one of great joy to him. He loved our service, and he loved to see young people participate in it. It was at his particular request, made to me not long before he died, that a young man only a year or two older than yourself read the long haftarah [prophetic reading] for Kippur afternoon [the day of Atonement] which he had read with such joy for many years. Many members of your family, some of them happily here today, have played a notable part in our synagogue life. May you follow in their footsteps, bringing joy to them and to us.
The author of this page is:
Alan D. Corré