September 22, 1932

What a grand feeling it was to wake up this morning and to feel that I could really do something. In the mornings I always feel as though if I had the time to put on my writing that I could do wonders. It is a consolation to know that there is part of the time at least when you feel that accomplishment is not so far away. I know that if I could put my mornings in writing that I could really put out something worthwhile. It seems such a shame to fritter away your time doing something that is nothing at all in your scheme of things.

You may think that last year [going to grad school at the University of Illinois and earning a master's degree in zoology] in view of what you now think and plan was wasted. It was wasted from a financial standpoint but when you consider the peace of mind that comes from knowing something definitively then it was well worth the while. It convinced me that no university life is for me, neither is research, that I would be just as unhappy in academic halls anywhere as right here. For a while I thought that that would be the sort of a life that I would want but I see it is the same old story of wanting to do what I want in my own way, freedom from restriction and rules, doing a man's work.

Read something interesting last night on how to get what you want in life. This author claimed that if a man outlined a definite program for five years that he could do almost anything he wanted. Said that only 2% of the people had any idea of how to get the things they wanted and they were the ones who had formulated a definite method of getting there. If it is financial independence then it means a definite budgetting of one's earnings and sound investment. If it is working on some different line of endeavor then it must be a definite attempt towards that end.

Well how does it work out for me. I am 33 going on 34. How is it going to work out. I want to outfit and write, that is my goal and that is what I am fitted for more than anything else. Alaska, the north expeditions, romance and all the rest, when will it ever come true. I am getting more and more resigned to my fate and am afraid that if it goes on much longer this way that I will soon lose sight of my goal. I have had a taste of fame and authority and want more of it. I must make the break soon. This is not my field, I know it and feel it. Do I wake up in the morning anxious to get at my task? No, I count the hours until the end of the week. Surely no future in that.